Sitting in the car line at my son’s school, waiting to pick him up, I received a call from his principal. Now, I’m nervously waiting for her to tell me some sort of bad news, and thinking well at least I’m already here 🤦 the common pleasantries are exchanged and she assures me this is a goodnews phone call. What I am told next blows my mind and brings tears of joy to my eyes! Our son, our very own smarty pants, has scored the highest mathematics score of his entire 5th grade class and earned himself a PRIDE AWARD! And so awesome is this award that he gets to get dressed up, hear his name called out on stage, shake the superintendent’s hand and have his picture taken with him, then receive a trophy with his very own name on it!!
I’m not sure how we could be more proud of Ric than we are right now but, I’m positive he’ll give us many more opportunities to find out!
Clearly as his parents we hope this is a magnificent sign of things to come in the future! Our son doesn’t like when I talk about it but when he was a toddler there was a time when his doctor and ourselves were concerned that he could possibly be autistic. For about a six-month period we had a behavioral therapist come out once a week to work with him, she always said she looked forward to it because he was one of the smartest kids she had ever encountered. As time went on she began to believe his intelligence was the reason we were facing some of the problems we were facing with him. Lol. Kids. He’s never been ‘like the other kids’ and that is one of our biggest blessings!
He was gifted with an incredible mind! He’s never been treated like he was different than anyone else and looking at him today you would never know the troubles we faced during his toddler years. God knows what he’s doing, just have faith.
I’m very thankful I was blessed with a good spoonie day for the award ceremony at Ruth Eckerd Hall either that or I was just so excited about my baby boy earning a pride award for mathematics 🤷 either way it was an amazing feeling. My husband and I beaming with pride! I feel extremely fortunate that the Lord chose me to be his mother.
“Past me” has managed yet again to send an inspiring message to “present me” only past me knows how much “present me” needed this today!!! I remember when I took this pic life was easier, it was two years ago and I was at work (man how I miss that some days) washing boats at a boat dealers lot. I wasn’t having the best day, but this little weed poked through the concrete changed my perspective. Who would have thought this little yellow weed that popped up in my fb newsfeed 2yrs later to give me hope for my current situation.
God put it on my heart to write this today. I hope it reaches it’s intended audience!
Taking the time to listen. Listen to the silence. Listen to the whisper in your soul.
The world continues to grow busier and busier, so how do we learn to listen?
I’ve experienced first hand what not listening can do to a person. The chaos it causes in our hearts and souls and in turn our lives. I’ve experienced what listening can do for a person as well. Thankfully I’ve spent the last five years of my life making listening a goal. The dramatic change it makes is well worth the work it takes.
By now you may be wondering what exactly I mean by listening. What I mean is learning to listen to your soul. That whisper inside us all. There are many names for it, I personally choose to believe the whisper inside me is God. It is him speaking to me. And learning to hear him, to listen to myself, my gut, my true self, has caused me to grow more than I ever thought I could! If we would all just stop and take the time to be still and quiet, and stop listening to what everyone and everything around us is telling us about ourselves! And start listening to what our God is telling us about ourselves! You see all the power we need is inside of us and we allow noise and fear and obstacles, we allow life to get in the way of listening.
Trust me it’s not easy learning to listen and it doesn’t happen everyday but my God the days it does!! The days it does makes all the effort worthwhile.
The day we stop asking “why is this happening to me?” and start asking “what is this trying to teach me?” That’s the day we become free.
I logged on to my YouVersion Bible app this morning to find today is the hundredth day I’ve connected with God. This may seem like a small silly accomplishment to some, but today marks 100 days since I decided to put myself first. 100 days since I decided to completely stop pretending for other people. I am not ok everyday, and that’s ok.
I’ve been almost completely cognitive for 100 days straight lol. The first 3 months after my decompression surgery was rough. I struggled every day to try to live my life like I did before surgery. I struggled to pretend for friends and family. I exhausted myself, was angry with myself. Today marks a hundred days since I’ve blamed myself for this, because Chiari malformation is not my fault!! Over the past 100 days I’ve stopped spending so much time wondering why almost everyone left me when I needed them the most, and I’ve begun focusing on the people who stayed and reminding myself everyday that I am stronger than even I know! This was NOT my fault. I was born this way, and I don’t have to apologize for that. I also don’t have to make excuses for anyone else; what a freeing revelation! I’m only responsible for myself and my own well-being.
This journey with Chiari malformation (or any chronic illness for that matter,) is lonely. That’s the part no one really talks about. And the vast majority of us don’t want anyone feeling sorry for us! We would just like a little consideration and a little compassion.
You see this journey is lonely, and it’s rough, but if you decide to focus on the right things, the little victories and the small growth. The day you decide to focus on finding the strength in the weakness, is the day you will begin to find your true self. You will begin to find freedom.
The healing power of pets is real. While dogs are great in their own right, do not limit your choice of therapy animal to just a dog. You may find you’ve a better connection with a cat, or even a bird. I found an unlikely therapy animal in my Russian tortoise, Miss Turtle. She’s great! We’ve figured out how to communicate with one another, and I just love watching her excitement when she’s asked if she would like to go outside.
I’m fortunate enough to have found comfort in two of my pets, and as fate would have it, my two good buddies enjoy each others company as well.
The healing power of pets is real. Their love is unconditional and pure. Suffering from a chronic illness, disease, or mental illness can take a toll on the quality of ones life…the simple act of adoption can change the course of your life for the better. Make yourself move outside what ails you as much as possible! Live the life you were created to live. Remove toxic people and things. Add in healthy habits and thinking processes, and sprinkle in the love of a rescue animal, you’ll be well on your way to the happy existence you were meant to enjoy!
It has been 6 months since my surgery. Sadly, I report… I do not feel better. To be honest, I feel worse. I feel worse than I did a year ago, before I even knew what Chiari malformation was… the nerve pain in my limbs is returning full force as is the burning under my shoulder blades and on top of that here is the new nerve pain throughout my head. I’ve got some form of a headache/migraine everyday. PT seems to only be making things worse. We are trying to remain positive but, I fear a trip back to the neuro is imminent.. I do not plan to have a decompression surgery again unless it is absolutely medically necessary. It is hard to admit, but I am more than a little angry about this whole situation. I know, God’s will and plans, not mine, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder why…why does my son have to watch this happen to his mom? I’m supposed to be strong, my family shouldn’t have to watch me struggle!!! Why can’t I just beat this? And Bless it all, why doesn’t positive thinking just fix this?!*sarcasm*
So why can’t I write? Why am I blocked and filled up with fright? Why am I worried of judging from people I don’t know?
Oh my dear Lord when will I let this go?
Chiari malformation what a bitch you are!!! You see, before you swooped in, I had gotten so far! I had goals for my future and accomplishments were made. I was working full time, money being saved. Studying. Studying finally. That was a big thing you see..
And finally, crippling fear was finally not ruling me.
Years spent building confidence you see, my childhood wasn’t kind to me and then the diagnosis and the surgery and anxiety swoops in and consumes me…
I feel at war daily, and this voice keeps saying to me ” it’s to late, you can’t do it, there’s no point”
I must break free
I must break free
I know I was created with greatness in me.
I must break free!
And why does everything I write sound like poetry? I can’t seem to get the rhyming out of me 😀😅