The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule. Treat people like you want them to treat you. The Golden Rule. With a bit of effort it’s not that hard to do. The Golden Rule. When you make a mistake, how would you like someone to treat you? When you are feeling ill, what would you want your loved one to do? The Golden Rule. 

Follow the Golden Rule.

Don’t treat others in a way you wouldn’t want them treating you.

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My Mid-Morning Breakthrough

When I started this blog  my aim was to try to stay focused,  but, my mind pulls in so many different directions! I think I’ve decided that that’s exactly what this blog will be. It will simply, be. I will allow my mind to pull me in whatever direction it wants to go in, and write about whatever passionately takes hold in my mind, in that moment! 

No more analyzing. No more. Ive wasted so much time in my life over analyzing, overthinking. So much has happened so recently, so much change, in such a short

The original intent has been completely lost and this has become my place, this blog is for me, and if somehow it helps someone, anyone else, icing on the cake! 

I’ve been contemplating life for the past couple of years. I feel like I’ve grown a great awareness and a very deep connection with my God. He talks to me and he guides me and my intuition has never been stronger! 

I’ve learned that I have to get out of my own way if I ever want to accomplish anything! I have never felt more free, more content, more fulfilled in my life, and I’m weeks away from brain surgery.. it is crazy the way things seem to just fall into place, the obviousness of divine intervention, the peace that I feel most days, even whilst in the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced, has cemented that old adage that everything in life happens for a reason. Every heart ache, mistake, missed oppurtunity, all bring me to right here, right now, who I am in this moment.

After nearly a life time of feeling like not enough and too much at the same time, I can honestly, joyfully say, 

“This is me. And I am in love with her!”

I have learned to say no to people, people that I love and care about, and for a people pleaser which I have been my whole life, that is extremely hard to do! I stand up for myself now, the way I always stood up for others. I have learned to love people where they’re at, but, I now know that, that does not mean I have to allow them to treat me badly. 

I don’t waste my energy on the petty things that I used to think were so important. 

I am uniquely and wonderfully made, and so are you!

I choose to get up each day and believe that there will be good in that day, no matter how I feel and no matter what is happening. 

 I have allowed God to work in me and make me the person He created me to be! 

Getting out of my own way has been the best thing I could have ever done for myself! And it has prepared me for what is coming soon. Every trial, every ache  every pain, every hardship, has made me who I am and has gotten me ready for what is to come. 

I know there are quite a lot of pictures in this post but you see, I’m very visual. I love the brightness in the color of life and if I can bring a smile to at least one of your faces, then my job is done for the day. 

I want to share what Joy I have and give people hope, that no matter what you are going through, you don’t have to be miserable, you don’t have to be ashamed, you don’t have to feel guilty. There is always someone who cares, even if you don’t know them, even when you feel like there is no one. I care, even when I don’t know you, or don’t like you, or really don’t want to *laughs* it is exhausting, but, I always care. I was made that way, and each day I will embrace it more and more.

In all the pain I am in today, I feel like I have finally fully decided to be completely and totally, unashamedly, undeniably, me.

Be the most authentic version of yourself! Life is to short for anything less!

Feeling Ill Today

I knew it was only a matter of time. I’ve been pushing it to the back of my mind, but today it has caught up with me. I don’t feel very well you see.. my head it hurts, my face feels full, my stomach it churns.

 I just want to be whole

I guess I had too many “good days” in a row…

The weather looms dark overhead. I wish I could have stayed in bed, butI can’t lay back on this blasted head! Alas, it is too full. The pressure is too great.. maybe I should meditate.

 I feel ill today and it won’t go away, it weighs heavy on my soul

The pain looms as Thunder booms with dark skies overhead oh how I wish I could find comfort in my bed..in my body..in my head.

Climb

Effervescent shining light

Darkest days

Brightest nights

Loveliness unfolding in broad daylight

Scarcely huddled under sight

The pinks and blues the whites of sky

Perceived differently somehow

Through pain filled eyes

Glory hidden slightly when life was good

So many things misunderstood

Touch of the divine

The closer I climb 

This narrow path I’ve chose

The pressure filled

Deep pain instilled

Not what one would have chosen

Glorious climb towards the Divine

Endless opening of the mind

Climb

Climb

Climb

Pretending

I wish I was pretending about the pain that I am in. I wish I didn’t feel as tho I’m trapped in my own skin. I wish I really was being ridiculous in jest. But I promise you this pain I’m in is really quite the pest. It tries to steal my joy and fill me up with doubts. I drain a lot of energy keeping the pain from seeping out. I can not run away from this. I live it every day…I’m going to have brain surgery. There is just no other way. Chiari malformation. 1-1,000 are the odds..this makes me strangely special, but please, hold your applause.

Crawls Beneath my Skin

This mask I wear…it’s falling off. Reality setting in. The fear…the anxiety…it crawls beneath my skin. 

I slap this smile on to convince ME I’m okay… I’ve got friends “by my side” but it sure doesn’t feel that way… Their fault? Or mine? Should I keep saying I’m fine?… To many decisions to make..

Holding it all under this mask for fear that I will break.

I’m surprised with me, my anxiety, would usually be in out of control..

Strangely I feel a sort of peace in my soul..

I wear this mask to hide my fear..but who am I hiding it from?

I like to tell myself I’m hiding it from my husband, mother, daughter, son..

I’m finding revelation and its hard for me to see…because quite possibly the person I’m wearing this mask for…is really me..

Everyday

Headache Everyday

Difficult to sleep
There’s to much pain

The back of my head

It screams in agony

My mind cries:

“Why is this happening to me?”

1 in a 1,000

Those are my odds

Any chance of ending this pain

Comes at a surgical cost

Im not lost..

As crazy as that sounds

Since all of this began

Really, I’m more found!

You couldnt pick me out of a crowd..

I look just like you do

At least most days I do

Normal” as they say, yet

Inside my body

Things are not ok

But the time has come

To pop on my smile

I’ve already been sentenced

No jury

No trial

Another day has been gifted to me

I will smile thru this pain

No misery!

Chiari was in the cards for me

Make the best of your hand

The cards you were dealt

The hand is for you to play

No one else..

Meet Mr. KittyΒ 

Always by my side. A little blessing in disguise. Who’d have known a year ago how dear you’d be to me. My tiny fury friend. You are an awesome companion indeed! We almost didn’t bring you home that day..but my heart tugged back to your cage. I’m so thankful I followed my heart that day! 

My favorite fury friend 😻

Animals love us in a way that people simply cannot. I am not faulting people, we are all flawed. I am saying, the love of an animal is pure, no motives, except possibly an extra treat, they simply adore us! 

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty 🐱 sleepy kitty, purr purr purr 😸

I must admit I have never loved an animal the way I love my cat! He always knows when I need him! It may sound crazy to you, but I simply do not care, I believe the good Lord placed Smokey in my life for a purpose. There’s a reason my heart would not let me leave that shelter without him. He makes me smile πŸ˜ƒ he loves on me when I cry 😒 and he rarely leaves my side. 

My cat is awesome!

If you suffer from a chronic illness/chronic pain, I highly recommend, from experience, that you find yourself a pet! One that fills your heart and brings you Joy! 

We don’t have to suffer aloneπŸ’œ