Wife-Mother-ChiariWarrior
You know what your haters would all love to see??
You failing and falling straight to your knees..
Luckily for you your haters really have no clue
It’s not your job to prove anything to them!
It’s your job to prove to you!
You know they’ve got no clue about the struggles you’ve been through!
They damn sure don’t know the real you!
Late October 2016, heading to baseball practice. The pain had reached a new level again, so my smile got bigger, to hide the pain from everyone around me.. I had no idea what was happening to my body. I wasn’t sleeping more than 4hrs a night..but I just kept pushing. I don’t like the idea of being weak..of being seen as “weak” ..it would be almost 6months before I’d wake up March 10th 2017, & not be able to use my left arm…the pain was so intense.. This is what #invisibleillness looks like. This is #chiarimalformation you never truly know what someone is enduring everyday. #bekind #raiseawareness#thestruggleisreal
It’s been 1 year since decompression. Well a little over a year now since I avoided posting about it on the actual anniversary of my surgery.
It is hard to put into words how I feel.
My zipperhead is 1yr old now.
I feel a lot of different things..
One of them being anger… Anger that I’m not miraculously healed, that some days are harder than before surgery, and that some days I feel I’ve lost a part of who I used to be..
I had hope that things with my body would be better than they are. And I’m honestly having a hard time completely accepting that I’ve got permanent limitations..
Another of them is gratitude for all the incredible lessons I’ve learned in this past year, that I’d likely not have learned had I not gone through all I’ve gone through..
Then there is fear for what the future holds, as chiari is a progressive neurological illness..
And a whole lot of faith that God has got this, and knowledge that I am dearly loved by Him ☝ 💜💜
Have you ever found yourself in a heated debate with someone? It didn’t matter what either of you said; you just couldn’t agree. And you couldn’t just agree to disagree.
I’ll bet you walked away from that exchange feeling frustrated; possibly enraged. And completely convinced that that person is a bad person.
We hate one another over petty disagreements.
Things like the correct way to care for your child. Formula or breastmilk. Homeschooling, public or private school.
The right way to “be married” or start a family, or the choice not to do those things.
Sports teams. Rays or Yankees? Cowboys or Giants?
Political affiliation…
Religious beliefs or lack thereof.
We want so badly to be RIGHT!
At times it seems at any cost.
As a society we need to stepup our communication game 🔝🔝🔝 we should aim to grow emotionally intelligent enough to understand that it just is not possible to agree with everyone all of the time. That does not make the other person a bad person 😉 be careful not to let your feelings run the show!
#elevate#bethechange#bethelight#communicationiskey#rise#mindfullness#chiari#spoonie#lifelessons#tipoftheday
💜 keep smiling y’all!
We become the things we think about.
That alone is an overwhelming reality.
So when you add on top of that all of the already overwhelming emotions that come along with life with, or without chronic illnesses, it can make you want to give up before you even start.
How can we manage feelings that seem to change more than the weather?
Well, it’s a lot like getting good at anything in life.
It takes a lot of practice.
And as much as you would like me to tell you it will be easy as pie, that would be a bold-faced lie.
You are going to fail.
And, you are going to fail a lot (at first) but if you choose to be mindful about the process, stay determined, stay the “course” you will, after each failure, find where you faltered at, (and each time more quickly than the last) “Fix-It” the next go-around.
Be determined.
Grow from adversity.
Learn about you every damn chance you get.
Offer yourself loving kindness.
Remember we are all human and prone to error.
Forgive every chance you get. Life is to short.
Don’t let fear run things!
Hanging on to resentment is poison in your soul.
Never forget love is the greatest force on earth!
#loveyourself
People only seem to believe how much pain you’re in when you’re in agony and you’re miserable and you’re crying they can’t seem to Fathom that if you’re smiling in conversation or enjoying anything you’re doing that you could be possibly having as much pain as you claim to be having but why on Earth would you want to live everyday of your life in agony?!
Human beings are funny; our journeys are so similar yet so different, at the same time.
For obvious reasons, it’s easy to think about all of the little annoyances going on in our own lives.
These irritants affect the way we react to situations, conversations, and relationships probably every day of our lives; it’s not as easy to remember that everyone we encounter has their own little annoyances; affecting the way that they react to situations, conversations, and relationships…
Whoops..
We become defensive easily.
Quick to throw up that wall, put the guards out front, and let no one in.
We have become conditioned to believe that it is someone else’s job to keep us happy. And that they should have known what we were going through and not said or done whatever it was that upset us.
Rarely do we think of the other person’s perspective.
Especially not when it comes to our feelings..
Unknowingly selfish.
We feel like people have missed the mark taking care of us, so to retaliate we try our best not to take care of them; all the while not thinking about what the real root of the problem is;
And now that you are thinking about it, the wheels are spinning, now the change can begin.
Within yourself.
Our own self-importance gives us a false sense of entitlement; before we know it, we have let our feelings take over. Now guess who is running the show?
*Hint* feelings.
Now all the small miscommunications in our life grow, fueled by our hurt feelings.
Rarely is logic found in hurt feelings.
When our feelings are hurt we are more than likely thinking about ourselves, our pride and ego, our own survival..
but what if you became your own hero?
What if you stepped outside of the box of your own feelings and calmly looked into the situation? What if you began to realize that raising your voice and overreacting we’re not making anyone listen to you more clearly; on the contrary it was causing them to put up a wall and now communication is all but lost.
What if we began to identify the reason our feelings become injured? Taking the time to find out what is triggering you so to speak. It probably has nothing to do with the person you’re arguing with or the person who you feel has hurt you. They probably had no malicious intention. What if you began an internal investigation into why your feelings are your feelings?
What if I make my feelings wait on the sidelines while logic figures out what is happening?
What if you begin to really understand who you are at your very core?
I believe managing hard feelings starts with self-discovery, and let me tell you you’re going to find some ugly shit in there!
Don’t let that stop you. Let it motivate you.
***GOOD NEWS ALERT***
Though I am paying for it today, this weekend was probably the best weekend I have had in over a year!
Not to mention, it has rained every weekend for weeks here in Pinellas County, Florida, but 😇 God must have been shining down on us this weekend 🌞 the Grand Prix boat races came into Gulfport, Florida for the 2nd year. And it was a free event! Probably the best part about it was it was on the beach 🏖 Y’all it really doesn’t get much better than digging your toes in the sand and watching some cool ass boats racing by!
We were blessed with a beautiful Breeze and though the first day we didn’t plan as well as we should have
the 2nd day we were ready!
Cooler full of water ✅ bag full of snacks ✅ chairs for our butts ✅ umbrella ✅
I hope you enjoyed a little snippet of my great spoonie weekend!
And if you’d like to see more videos and pictures of the Grand Prix boat races, or if my #chiarilife please head on over to my IG and give me a follow 😘 I look forward to seeing you there! Now, back to the couch😴😴😴
P.S. I follow back! I love supporting “the little guy” small businesses owners, authors, bloggers, in general, others like me, those just trying to make their way in this crazy, beautiful world, chronic illness or not 😘
Much love!
Thanks for taking the time out of your day to stop by and give my blog a read!
Keep on smiling thru the pain!
How do we learn to move past the strongholds in our lives? When we’ve exhausted all our effort, what then?
It is time to let His voice be the loudest.
Living with chronic illness can be tough. There is an array of feelings you go through everyday; not just physical feelings, but emotional feelings as well.
The physical is hard enough to deal with on a daily basis, but then to throw on top of that the emotional termoil that comes with chronic illness.
Chances are most days you feel like shit.
Inside and out.
You feel terrible, and you’re so tired of it.
You begin to question how worth it any of this is.
When this happens, it’s time to flip the switch on your thinking.
Instead of “why is this happening to me?” Ask “what can I learn from this?”
Change the questions you are askng yourself.
Our feelings are valid and important, but they are not in charge.
Learning this and applying it to your daily life can be hard, but it is completely doable.
Challenge yourself by being mindful.
Respond vs. React
Feelings are perfectly fine to have.
All of them.
Just don’t let them have you.
More to come on this topic in Pt.2
Keep smiling through 💜
You are a badass and you’ve got this😘
Smiling Through the Pain 
You must be logged in to post a comment.